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My Village Voice column "Lusty Lady" Amazon.com personal profile page and plog Latest interview with me at Eros Zine |
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Rachel Kramer Bussel, writer, editor, book reviewer, interviewer, former Village Voice sex columnist, reading series host. Writing erotic novel and Sexual Freedom For All, arguing in favor of greater sexual expression, fantasy and experimentation
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| August 24, 2010 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Naked bubble bath Fast Girls book trailer, Kristen Schaal intvw I interviewed vampire and cozy mystery author Sue Ann Jaffarian at She Writes I interviewed Kristen Schaal and Rich Blomquist about The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex for Lemondrop
Free vibrators & cupcakes 8/19 at Summer Sex Night at In The Flesh Reading Series "5 Good Things About My Worst Date Ever" at Crushable From Cupcakes Take the Cake: Golden retriever, French Bernese, Pomeranian and German shepherd/hound adorable doggie cupcakes Booze Cakes alcohol cupcakes interview I'll be reading from Passion: Erotic Romance for Women & celebrating my 35th birthday November 11 at Word in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Readings by me, Wickham Boyle, Emerald & Donna George Storey. Free cupcakes!
"Letting Someone Into My Bed" - why I haven't shared my bedin 4+ years New book out now!
There will be readings from Orgasmic October 21st at In The Flesh Reading Series in New York City. Purchase Orgasmic from: Kindle edition (coming soon) IndieBound (search for your local independent bookstore!) Introduction: Let Me Count the Ways… (click to read) The Waiting Game Elizabeth Coldwell Sex column: "A Little Bit Poly" I interviewed New York Times bestselling memoir author of Some Girls: My Life in a Harem Jillian Lauren. See her July 15 at Media Sex Night at In The Flesh Reading Series, FREE. My two HOT new books:
Introduction: Fast Is a (Sexy) State of Mind Temptation Kayla Perrin
Introduction I Live to Serve Teresa Noelle Roberts Latest Secrets of a Sex Writer columns: Girl Crushes, Bisexuality and Bi-Curiousness I'm the Jauntsetter of the week!
Follow the Please, Sir virtual book tour all through May! My new column! #2: My "Trendy" Post-Breakup Celibacy "Secrets of a Sex Writer: 'Are Your Breasts Real?' and Other Questions Not to Ask a Sex Writer"
"Why Do Women Love 'Bad" Shoes?" - I interviewed Leora Tanenbaum at The Gloss
Quoted at Lemondrop about non-drinking I'm quoted at Sexis Magazine about Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories. LA Times Festival of Books panel on sex writing, April 25, 3 pm! My hottest book trailer yet, for Please, Sir: Erotic Stories of Female Submission is up! Order Please, Sir from: |
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| November 6, 2006 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Virgins, Naughty Spanking Stories 2, Abe Lincoln Logs, HuffPo I wrote two Village Voice Lusty Lady columns about virginity: I was quoted about two of my favorite topics: cupcakes (in Canada's National Post) and spanking (in The Columbia Spectator) You guys should totally go check out this podcast, The Abraham Lincoln Logs, made by Brett Jackson. I met him on Saturday night and got him to write his URL on a $5 bill, and then people were madly passing money across the table to get him to autograph. I think that would be the perfect underground marketing tool especially for this particular podcast. And while I have not yet listened to it (but I will be doing so very soon), I'm pretty sure it's gonna be awesome. Especially episodes 50 (which involves spanking, George Bush, Abe Lincoln and Mary Todd Lincoln!) and 75.
My first Huffington Post piece, "Fearless About Sexual Freedom" Adira is also my musical guest on November 15th at In The Flesh Comic Sex Night. New Village Voice column: "Desirable Damsels in Distress" New book, plus a reading (and vacation) in San Francisco! I consider this my hottest book yet, by far.
Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists Book Signing for Saturday, November 4, 2006 Good Vibrations Introduction: Exhibitionist • Alison Tyler Curtain Call • Thomas S. Roche Confessions of a Confirmed Voyeur (Introduction) I can’t lie—I like to watch. Looking at sexy people exuding in their sensuality, playing it up, flirting, flaunting it, gets me hot. Knowing they want to show off for me makes it all the better. I live in New York, the ultimate city for people watching, but only rarely to I actually get to engage in true voyeurism—watching other people have sex. Sometimes I attend sex parties, where a giant room might be filled with all sorts of couplings. But the action that gets me hottest isn’t the most over-the-top scene in the room, but when I see two people so lost in each other that their bodies seem to give off waves of heat, a magnetism that’s enough to lure anyone into their web. Once, during a threesome with a private sex party’s host couple, I remember watching them kiss as all of us were entangled and being both awed and jealous of the passion their lips shared, until they opened their circle to include me, letting me peek, and join in. I also like it when lovers show off just for me, and have asked several to display how they touch themselves when I’m not around. Watching as their fingers stroke and pump makes me feel like I’m being let into a secret world, given a special lens to view the utterly private. Like talking dirty, another sexual act I indulge every chance I can, watching uses one of my senses to enhance another. Seeing a lover strip for me, watching them run their hands up and down their body, making them display their masturbation techniques, showing off the bite marks or reddened skin from a spanking, checking out her cleavage or his ass from across the room when they don’t know I’m looking, gets me hot and makes my body purr. Time seems to stop as I soak in her curves, his tattoos, her strong back, his neck, her parted lips, his hard cock. Whatever position I’m in, I like to watch as our bodies melt against each other, and that visual is like a show-within-a-show for me, its impact spurring on my desire. The authors who’ve graced us with their naughty tales here also share the thrill of watching—and being watched. I’m not so much of a spy as a blatant voyeur; I like the people I’m watching to know I’m looking, to feel my gaze as they bare their innermost selves to me. I like to watch people’s faces when they come, when every last shred of inhibition gets tossed out and they are naked, bare, caught in my glance. I like them to feel my eyes burning into them, warming them, knowing I’m getting off by absorbing whatever it is they want to reveal. When they’re strutting their stuff just for me, giving me visual cues that tell me they know I’ve got my gaze pinned on them, I’m in heaven, squirreling away those images in my mind to replay later, responding to their every move, whether they’re flirting from across the room, masturbating on command, or making love to someone else before my eyes. Stan Kent knows exactly what I’m talking about, and shares his voyeuristic secrets in “My Finest Hour.” Once you read his story, I bet you’ll want to watch his protagonist’s lover, who knows just what to do to make sure you’ll stick around to see what she’ll do next. He puts us right at the heart of why looking is so alluring: “Notice how the word shower contains ‘show.’ Show and shower — the two go together like a wet pussy and a stiff cock. Our glassed enclosure is her stage . . . my luxurious private and personal peep show that satisfies my fundamental sexual need to watch my lover engaged in what would be private and personal moments if it weren’t for the fact that I was watching.” Watching someone in the throes of ecstasy, watching them surrender, fully and completely, to those stirring rumblings inside, is a powerful thrill. I consider it an honor, a gift, whether that means a breast flashed at me on the sly, or a private masturbation ritual that I’m let in on. I replay the memories of watching when I’m alone, a special erotic reel looping forever in my mind. Other stories here also delight in the voyeuristic nature of sex. Tara Alton’s “Walled Lake Girl” likes to check out her naughty neighbor as he fucks countless girls, until the tables get turned and she’s the one in his bedroom while someone else (possibly) peeks in. Lisette Ashton’s voyeur, Sally, in “Curtain Up,” is a lot shyer than her counterparts throughout the rest of this book. She becomes “spellbound,” transfixed, mesmerized by the naked female flesh she glimpses backstage as her fellow dancers get ready to shimmy and shake. She’s not reluctant, just unprepared for the reactions such bold displays evoke within her. She’s a novice voyeur—perhaps the best kind, eyes wide with awe and eagerness. Despite our title, you don’t need to be caught looking—you can unabashedly enjoy every second of these personal peep shows, taking you into a world where lovers light up their bedroom stages, creating dramas worthy of the big screen, whether it’s a slow reveal or an all-out erotic extravaganza. Join us—and look to your heart’s content. I know I will be. |
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| September 22, 2006 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Sex Toys for Boys, Murray Hill, Eye Candy, Everything But... Yes, that's me, I'm going to be an author! There was even an auction. I have to say, to be listed in Publishers Marketplace, to be signed to a big house, to have an editor who really wants to work with me and who comes so highly recommended, feels like I've finally arrived. By spring I will have 13 published anthologies under my belt, and I'm proud of all of them, but I'm really looking forward to digging into my characters and stories and getting to create something richer and deeper. And hotter too, don't you worry about that. New Work:
 Murray Hill can make even the most uptight New Yorker at least offer up a chuckle, if not an all-out belly laugh, with his well-honed ladies' man-about-town sthick. With his jocular, wink-wink style, he's never at a loss for words, whether working a raucous, drunken bingo crowd, prepping audiences for bands like Le Tigre, or hosting burlesque pagaents. Known for his anything-might-happen style, Murray can regularly be found emceeing his way across the city's stages, calling bingo numbers, and performing cabaret-style at venues like the late Fez, Galapagos, and, most recently, Mo Pitkin's. On the heels of The Murray Hill Show, the self-proclaimed "hardest working man in show business" is back to dazzle downtown with his comic crooning in Murray Hill Live at the Sansabelt Room along with sexy sidekick Dirty Martini and accompanied on piano by Lance Cruce. Here, he tells us where to find New York's best cheeseburger, why he loves stage banter, his dream venue, and why freaky New Yorkers should stick around and reclaim downtown. Can you give me a basic biographical sketch of Murray Hill? When and where was he born? How did he come into being?
Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists (Click here for TOC and our introductions) In other news, Caught Looking is out and is the sexiest, dirtiest, most beautiful book I've worked on. With some types of erotica, I think you have to be into the fetish, at least a little, to like the work. With this one, even if you have nary an exhibitionistic or voyeuristic bone in your body, you can appreciate the sheer hotness of the stories. Stan Kent's "My Finest Hour" alone is worth the cover price. I'm reading with Stan, Thomas Roche, and Simon Sheppard at the Polk Street Good Vibrations store on Saturday, November 4th at 2 p.m. Village Voice Lusty Lady columnist and In The Flesh reading series creator Rachel Kramer Bussel's EVERYTHING BUT.... and EYE CANDY, to Danielle Perez at Bantam Dell, in a nice deal, by L. Perkins Agency (World). In The Flesh was so, so wonderful, in the top 3 of the series so far. The crowd was fabulous, all 8 readers were hilarious and original and amazing, we gave out tons of candy, cupcakes, books and magazines, and it was just a really fun time. I love my reading series, I really do. Next one's October 18th and it's super literary, with Jami Attenberg, Marcy Demansky, Christen Clifford, Mo Beasley and UrbanErotika and more! IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES Hear your favorite sex columnists tell all—from horror stories to hate mail to come-ons and sexcapades! With Julia Allison (“The Dating Life,” AM NY), Nicole Beland (“Ask the Girl Next Door,” Men’s Health), Erin Bradley (“Miss Information,” Nerve.com), Ellen Friedrichs (Teenwire.com), Gregory Gilderman (“The Dating Life,” Metro), Laura Leu (“Sex Diary,” Penthouse), Stephanie Sellars (“Lust Life,” New York Press), and Jamye Waxman (“Sex Ed,” Playgirl), and your host, Rachel Kramer Bussel (“Lusty Lady,” The Village Voice). Books and magazines, as well as candy and mini cupcakes, will be given away. In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include Revenge of the Sex Columnists (September), comic sex (November) and erotic memoirs. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Andy Horwitz, Jessica Cutler, Polly Frost, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Edith Layton, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from Escape (Hong Kong), The L Magazine, New York Magazine, Gothamist, Nerve.com and Wonkette. This series is not Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series. Also, I will have some official good news very soon. My unofficial take: it's freaking awesome. Seriously, I'm still a bit high off of it. So look for my name in Publishers Marketplace soon! It means I will be very, very busy trying to take my fiction to the next level, but I'm thrilled beyond words. Sorry for the lack of updates, been crazy busy, but there are a few new Village Voice columns (the next one will be my 50th column!!): |
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| June 23, 2006 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Ultimate Undies, Sexiest Soles, Secret Slaves,July In The Flesh My 3 new hot new pansexual erotica anthologies come out July 1st! (Also, Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2 comes out from Pretty Things Press in September and is gonna be HOT.) After that I have some others lined up: Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2 (September, Pretty Things Press), Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists, co-edited with Alison Tyler (October, Cleis), and in Spring 2007, Sex and Candy: Sugar Erotica (Pretty Things Press), Second Skins and He's on Top: Erotic Stories of Male Dominance and Female Submission and She's on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission, both from Cleis. This summer I'll be working on my erotic novel and finishing the proposal for Sexual Freedom for All.
Ultimate Undies: Erotic Stories about Underwear and Lingerie Does her teddy make you want to do anything but sleep? Do his boxer briefs bulge in all the right places and tell a story about what he'll do to you in bed? Is her lingerie enough to land her any girl in the room? Here are thirty sexy panty play stories that won't disappoint. Ultimate Undies: Erotic Stories About Underwear and Lingerie Introduction: What Lies Beneath, by Rachel Kramer Bussel Panty of the Month Club, by Mila Whiteley
Sexiest Soles: Erotic Stories about Feet and Shoes Delight in that delicious touch of steely stilettos...delicate arches...black motorcycle boots...sweaty size twelves. Whether it's the gentle massage of a foot rub, the suckling of tempting toes, or a very private pedicure, this naughty collection of fetish erotica has no trouble putting its best foot forward. Both risky and risque, Secret Soles will make more than an imprint on your desires. Sexiest Soles: Erotic Stories About Feet and Shoes Pedal Pleasures (Introduction) by Rachel Kramer Bussel Discovering the Shoe Slut Within, by Audacia Ray
Secret Slaves: Erotic Stories of Bondage Want to be tied up with tantalizing tales of beautiful bondage? Do handcuffs have a trusty place next to your bed? Does a coil of rope or the crack of a whip make you quiver with desire? Here are thirty sizzling stories to satisfy your desires. Secret Slaves: Erotic Stories of Bondage Roping You In (Introduction) by Rachel Kramer Bussel -------------------------------------------------------------------------- IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES Take a break from the heat with sexy words and yummy cupcakes. With Diana Cage (Box Lunch, Bottoms Up, On Our Backs Guide to Lesbian Sex), Desiree Burch (SMUT Series), Zaedryn Meade (Covet, Valence, For the Record), Doreen Orsini (Hunting Diana, Tanner’s Angel), the co-editor of The MILF Anthology, Cecilia Tan (Circlet Press), along with contributors Elspeth Potter (Tough Girls, Best Women’s Erotica) and Stacy Brown, and host Rachel Kramer Bussel, who will be celebrating the release of her three new anthologies Ultimate Undies: Erotic Stories About Lingerie and Underwear, Sexiest Soles: Erotic Stories About Feet and Shoes, and Secret Slaves: Erotic Stories of Bondage. Free candy and mini cupcakes will be served. Various erotic books, including The MILF Anthology, will be raffled off as door prizes. In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include porn star night, humorous sex and erotic memoirs. --------------------------------------------------------------------------
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| May 17, 2006 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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BEA Recap and Steinbuch v. Cutler Reposted from my blog Lusty Lady because I think it's a vital First Amendment issue for any writer or blogger: Yesterday, Wonkette linked to a Legal Times article about law professor Robert Steinbuch, who is suing Jessica Cutler, as well as to my reading series, In The Flesh, where Jessica read about a gross yet highly entertaining story about a tampon. The most interesting part of this recent article is that, contrary to anything in the original lawsuit, Steinbuch is now claiming not only humiliation and invasion of privacy, but factual error. As a friend said, who is going to testify, people he’s slept with? How could it possibly be proved that Cutler was or was not telling the truth? I'm not a lawyer, but applying those old LSAT reading comprehension skills, this seems like the biggest difference between his strategy then and now: It’s hard to know why anyone would care to set the record straight about whether he is able to ejaculate with or without a condom or whether he likes to spank or be spanked. But Rosen says that’s exactly what Steinbuch intends to do. “There are graphic and intimate details which are not true,” he said in a telephone interview. “Those are facts that are going to be litigated.” Furthermore, and what I’ve been trying to get at all along (see last year's Village Voice column "Spanking Jessica Cutler"), is that spanking, per se, is not "unreasonable." For that matter, premature ejaculation is quite common as well. And he must show that the contents of Cutler’s blog are highly offensive to reasonable people. If, as a society, we are going to claim that the allegation that someone likes to spank and be spanked is “highly offensive,” I think we have a long way to go toward acknowledging the diversity of sexual expression. It's not that he should have wanted her to post these things, but is the worst part that she posted them, or that they were happening? Read carefully and the word "scorned" comes up in various articles, along with a sense of betrayal, hurt and anger. All perfectly valid emotions, but enough to warrant a successful lawsuit? I hope not. Now, several people have asked me, “Well, wouldn’t you be offended/upset if someone posted such items about you on a blog?” But that is really not the question here. It’s not that Steinbuch could have been expected to jump for joy at reading Cutler’s blog, it’s whether Cutler has a right to post about her own life (and, by extension, I would ask that of all the sex bloggers and other bloggers out there posting personal accounts of their lives). I would recommend taking a gander at Tucker Max’s legal wranglings with Miss Vermont, Katy Johnson. If Tucker won the right to name names, I do not see why Jessica should be retroactively punished for using initials. I see this as both a cultural issue, in terms of people's comfort level with their sexuality (a little tip: if you're going to do something you would absolutely die of shame if people found out about, don't do it - for instance, I could tell you about the person I had unprotected sex with who I read about at In The Flesh, and a few people know who that is, but I haven't done so here. I don't know what the legal consequences of naming him would be, but at the end of the day, it happened, and if you really don't want anyone to know, don't do it.) as well as a First Amendment issue. I think every blogger should be very concerned about this case as well (read the Legal Times piece for the bit about how when you post on your blog you are "publishing" your entire blog again, not just that specific entry, which is what Steinbuch is claiming, thereby affecting the statute of limitations). Reading both the article and the original suit, it seems clear that it was Cutler’s actions that offended him the most. Here's Steinbuch's lawyer, with extra emphasis for absurdity (have you ever been on MySpace, Livejournal, Blogger, etc.?): “People’s behavior is only based on actions that are enforced,” Rosen says. “That’s what defines right and wrong. The whole point of this case is to maintain Rob’s privacy, but not just for him, for everybody — that you can’t just start dating some girl and suddenly it’s on the Internet.” If she had only been sleeping with him, I don’t think this lawsuit would be happening—then again, the entire “scandal” stems from the multiple partners and the cash angle. As Wonkette hints at, if she had said what a huge stud he was, with a great cock who made her come a million times, I doubt this case would be proceeding. Going back to the fact vs. falsehood angle: So if it’s false, why was this included? Something can’t be both a private “fact” and a falsehood. The original cause of action talks about “emotional distress,” “outrageous conduct,” and the defendant acting “reckless.” These are highly different claims than that the allegations are false. So which is it? Because if suddenly what was on her blog is "false," that to me would indicate he should be suing her for slander. I know I'm not a lawyer, but this distinction just screams out at me and wasn't really addressed in the Legal Times article. Also, hadn’t picked up on this before. Item 22 of the original suit: “Cox hired Cutler to write for her website.” Is that true? ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Today was a wash for the most part in terms of BEA. I felt like all my energy had been zapped, but I did manage to get a few final books I wanted and not kill myself in the process of walking around laden with 7 bags. And I got a pretty purple lei, and really, how bad can life be when you're wearing a "cupcake fiend" t-shirt and a purple lei and the sun is shining? I walked in utterly exhausted, shipped some books, grabbed a few last minute ones, had to cancel an appointment, then collapsed into the car. But it was so fun and worth the exhaustion. I hope to enjoy all the books I got while continuing with my own writing and all that I have planned. Here's some highlights of my BEA experience: Best Quote: Shari Goldhagen, "I was with Rachel, and then five minutes later, I was Rachel" (because of how many books and bags she gathered) Huge thanks to The Heartless Stone author Tom Zoellner for the ride (check out his website for tour dates), Shari Goldhagen and Martha Burzynski for help in book grabbing, silliness, and playing the "Jayson Blair or Kaavya Viswanathan" game in the car, and Sira for letting me invade his apartment. |
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MILFS column,Mediabistro From the Editors interviews, Gothamist 3 very different things that I do: My latest Village Voice column is now online, with quotes from Jenny McCarthy, Brenda Staudenmaier (aka "The Lovely Brenda"), Lori Perkins, Brett Paesel, Carolyn Castiglia and Alyson Palmer: ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The writing I do that's probably of most interest to any readers of Publishers Marketplace is the From the Editors series at Mediabistro, where every two weeks I interview an editor, usually at a major house. If you ARE an editor and would like to be interviewed and I haven't already covered your imprint/publisher, please email me at rachelkb at gmail.com because I'm always looking for people to interview. You have to be a member of Mediabistro's Avantguild program to view these. I've listed and linked to below all the people I've interviewed thus far. Also, please note that some editors have since switched houses or may not have the exact same job duties at this point in time. Danielle Durkin, Associate Editor, Ballantine/Random House 27, 2005 Gothamist.com interviews - the rest can be found here Send author a comment on this post
Thoughts on Sexual Freedom/Cupcakes/Erotica Some thoughts that will eventually make it into my book proposal for Sexual Freedom for All, a treatise on our country's lack of sexual freedom and how we can expand sexuality freedom, pleasure and autonomy for everyone. I get a little tripped up sometimes in writing/thinking about this book proposal, because sometimes I think it’s so fucking simply why would anyone want to buy it as a book? Everyone should be able to do what they want sexually as long as it’s consensual. It seems so straightforward. And yet...it’s not. I know it’s not, much as I wish it were, because we are not even given, or don’t grant ourselves, the mental freedom to explore. It’s the unspoken, though sometimes spoken, ways we’re shamed into wanting this or that, into having to choose-gay or straight? Top or bottom? This or that? There is no room for those moments of desire that sneak up on you, catch you unawares, that maybe don’t have a name, or at least one you know what to call it. I don’t buy the story going around that there’s one sexually acceptable script. Take one teensy tiny peek, you don’t even have to go to girls with colds or whatever, you can find communities full of real people who are into everything from fat women to men wanting to be slaves and worship women’s feet to everything else under the sun. But I think we can all look a little deeper inward and examine the ways our own fantasies veer from the accepted scripts. “You’re a top!” he said to me, this look of absolute wonder in his eyes. It was like I’d suddenly turned into an alien, and yet . . . he liked it. It was this really weird revelation, I think for both of us, and if you ask any woman who sleeps with guys, and has even hinted at female dominance in bed with them, they will likely tell you that it’s been like a light switch going off. Now, it’s not my job or place to be standing up for the sexually submissive men of the world, but every time I see another book or article or whatever all about WOMEN and sex, I just can’t help think there’s more to the picture. We’re all jumping in line to castigate Sara Dekeuster for daring to portray her rape fantasies, but what I want to know, and didn’t get to explore in my column on the topic, is what about guys who are acting out rape fantasies with women? What happens there? I am trying to think broadly, but not too broadly so I never get this done, but I keep coming back to the need for sexual FREEDOM in all senses of the word. Not just legally, but socially, mentally. Otherwise the freaky girls, and a few guys, who are “out there” with all this will continue to be portrayed as the slutty, dirty, whores while everyone else, who is either doing pretty much the same thing or thinking about it, is safely tucked away in their little houses. I’m so happy to see this round of "wild mom" books because these women do not want to be associated with the modern-day June Cleavers. The Brett Paesels and Stefanie Wilder-Taylors and Jenny McCarthys are going there, and of course there’s Susie Bright and Lisa Palac and other moms who are too. We don’t treat dads like they should never be sexual again, but we do treat moms that way. It’s really the categorizing and shaming of anyone who speaks honestly about their sexuality that I have a problem with. That’s why the whole boobiesexual thing appealed to me. Yes, it’s fun and slightly silly to say “boobiesexual,” but on a deeper level, it points to this really flawed way we have of evaluating and informing our own sexuality. I think from an early age we learn to tune out a lot of our sexual desires because they “don’t fit” into the image of who we want to be. Hello, closeted, married gay people who know they’re gay but don’t want to “be” gay in the world. Or whatever your thing, whether it’s crossdressing or being dominated/humiliated or public sex or whatever. Or even if it’s something totally “normal” and I really hate to use that word but you know what I mean. It’s that very lack of a language around sex that I have to call anything “normal” that is the problem. People will totally start conversations and talk about “those people”–you know, the kinky ones or exhibitionists or poly people–without once stopping to think that the person they’re talking to could be one of “those people.” As much as someone like Dr. Laura is an easy target, there are probably a whole host of people out there who still think that sex is something men want and women grudgingly provide, and hey, sometimes they might even like it, but still, it’s a “duty,” and I don’t think it has to be like that. It’s really easy to sit in judgment of other people without ever revealing a thing about your own sexuality. I’m not saying every blogger or journalist has to, but when covering these issues, I think it does help to lay your own biases on the table. Michelle Malkin links to a Washington Times essay that is really just a rehashed version of Wendy Shalit’s A Return to Modesty: We can embrace the old habit known as "custody of the eyes." This involves simply not looking at anything that offends our sense of modesty. Custody of the eyes extends to men as well as women and can do enormous good when we are in uncomfortable situations at work or walking down the street. The biggest weapon against impurity is our will power. We cannot expect ourselves to be chaste on a date if we are not chaste in all other areas of our lives. When we go on a date, rather then using the time to kiss and to touch, why not work on building a relationship? Work on a hobby, go on a nature walk, or get involved in group activities with other like-minded couples. Sit down and have long discussions with one another. There's more to compatibility then sex. We should view dating as a way to get to know a potential spouse and save sex for when we are wed. But from reading things like this, I never get the sense of sexual desire emanating from these people. Sex is not just “everywhere,” “in the culture” and “out there” in the big bad scary world. “Sex” is not just Jenna Jameson or porn stars or some sexual act du jour. “Sex,” meaning our sexuality, is inside us, is what we make of it, whatever that is. I could get a little more behind this, and why I admire writers like Lauren Winner and Anna Broadway, if these writers acknowledged that our actual sexual impulses stem from our own twisted little minds. It is not about looking outside ourselves for “tips” or advice or one secret special skill. It’s not about trying something cause you heard everyone else is doing it. It’s not about wearing skimpy clothes because that’s what’s “in.” It’s about letting go of all the cultural bullshit, from the pressures to have sex all the time to the pressures never to have sex, and figuring out what you want to do with your own body. What turns YOU on, which may be more than one thing. I think we fall into this idea that we’ll meet this one soulmate who will do everything right, that everything they do will send us into the throes of orgasm, we’ll never want to look at anyone else, blah blah blah. That’s such a false notion of desire and I think everyone knows that. This doesn’t mean monogamy is impossible, but mental monogamy and devotion? I don’t know why we have this idea that looking, thinking, fantasizing, is wrong, but clearly we do. Furthermore, Girls Gone Wild is not the only thing out there. I was on the radio this week with Dottie Lux, Nasty Canasta and Veronika Sweet of Red Hots Burlesque, and they are just three examples of the wide world of burlesque that is bumping and grinding out a different, but also exhibitionistic, take on sexuality. Yet some would lump them all together. On Jessica Cutler, Ana Marie Cox, and the salaciousness of blogs, Michelle Malkin wrote: But blogs can also serve as exhibitionist outlets that highlight the worst of America's tell-all and show-all tendencies . . . I'm sick of the skankettes and their pimps in my business and I'm not alone. Whose “business” are these people in? I find it a bit curious that people are so up in arms about Jessica all the time. Did anyone say you have to watch her? Or the Kid Rock video? Or the Paris Hilton one? It is not mandatory that you partake in what people are exhibiting, and if sex weren’t so popular, Jessica wouldn’t have gotten a book deal or a TV deal. Furthermore, if, say, Robert Steinbuch and the other guys hadn’t wanted to sleep with her, there would have been no story. What I think we’re missing in all this is that GGW is a big business because lots of guys want to see that! Sure, there are some men who are whooping it up against this “raunch culture” too, but there are plenty more who are perfectly sane, smart, normal people who also like a bit of sexual entertainment. There are plenty of women who do too. People are conflate porn with real life and that’s the problem - it’s a fantasy, a vacation from reality, something to enjoy and stimulate but is not real life. I’m both confused by the suggestion that this is all mandatory and continually appalled at the shockingly judgmental notions that are being flung about across the sexual spectrum. Sexual judgments that really have no place in 2006 America. I totally want to interview Sara DeKeuster and find out more about what’s happened with her story (she’s the UWM Post photo editor who caused an uproar there with her photo essay about her rape fantasies) but for now, you can read some of her words on sexual freedom ------- |
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Rachel has edited over 25 erotic anthologies: The Mile High Club, Do Not Disturb, Spanked, Tasting Him, Tasting Her, Dirty Girls, Rubber Sex, Yes, Sir, Yes, Ma'am, Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2, First-Timers, Glamour Girls, Caught Looking, He's On Top, She's On Top, Crossdressing + Best Sex Writing 2008 and 2009. Her erotica in Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, among others. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and wrote the popular Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. She conducts interviews for Gothamist, Mediabistro, and Memoirville.com. Her writing has been published in AVN, Bust, Cosmo UK, Curve, Diva, Girlfriends, New York Post, On Our Backs, Oxygen.com, Penthouse, Playgirl, San Francisco Chronicle, Time Out NY, and Zink. She has appeared on NY1, Showtime's Family Business, and Naked New York. She hosts and curates the monthly In The Flesh Erotic Reading Series and is working on more erotic books and a book of sexual politic |
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Jean Godfrey-June has carved out a name for herself as not just a beauty expert, but someone readers turn to for a highly individual, irreverent approach to deciphering the ever-expanding maze of products available to color, highlight, firm, and enhance. The long-time Elle columnist turned Lucky Beauty Editor dishes about her unlikely path toward a desk full of products in her new memoir |
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