Beth Fehlbaum, author of Courage in Patience

A reader wrote to me recently, thanking me for writing Courage in Patience. She compared it favorably to another book she recently read, PRECIOUS (the movie tie-in to the novel, PUSH, by Sapphire). Both books deal with child sexual abuse, resilient protagonists, and empowering teachers. High praise indeed!

Courage in Patience, Hope in Patience: 2/3 of the Patience trilogy on offer. Contact my agent, Gina Panettieri of Talcott Notch. Contact info below.

Review from weRead.com
by Dave (weRead user published 2008-08-23 )Rating: Excellent

I approach issue-oriented fiction with some trepidation. This one, a debut novel by English teacher Beth Fehlbaum, made me re-think my apprehension. Courage in Patience is about some difficult issues, certainly, but it’s also about the quite believable characters who have to deal with them. It is those characters, particularly the empathetic protagonist Ashley Asher, who make this book worth reading. Ashley lives in a small Texas town with her mother and step-father, but life is not at all cozy in their little corner of the world. Ashley’s step-father has an appetite for little girls. She endures six years of mental, physical, and sexual abuse before finally working up the courage (at age 14) to tell her mother about his deeply-disturbing desires. Her mother, though, has issues of her own and refuses to recognize the legitimacy of her daughter’s complaints. Not long after, Ashley is sent to live with her birth father and his new wife and son. While her natural father has reformed the anger-filled ways that evidently led to his estrangement in the first place, she doesn’t completely trust him. His wife, Beverly, though, takes Ashley under her wing and introduces her to a summer school class of troubled teens where she discovers that life is full of nasty unpleasantness. It is this realization and the way Ashley copes with her own self-destructiveness, doubt, and conflict that make this a novel about people, not issues. Courage in Patience was penned with care and insight by an author who obviously knows whereof she writes.

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Hope in Patience, the heavily-anticipated sequel to Courage in Patience, is now also on offer. Please see synopsis below under "Projects on Offer" Also, visit http://courageinpatience.blogspot.com, where you can also see chapter previews, reviews, blurbs, and my marketing plan for both novels.
All of my rights to Courage in Patience have now been reverted to me. I am actively seeking a new publisher!

PLEASE INQUIRE ABOUT Courage in Patience and/or Hope in Patience, BY CONTACTING GINA PANETTIERI AT

gpanettieri@talcottnotch.net (contact phone # at bottom of page)

Here's the latest 5-Star Review on Amazon.com (UPDATED: July 18, 2009)

5.0 out of 5 stars
Eye Opener, July 17, 2009
By CLLEWE (TEXAS) - See all my reviews

First off, this book is a great read. It was hard to read at first because she was telling about what Ashley was going through, but it needed to be known. When the healing began with Ashley, is when everything changed. I cried, laughed, got really angry and sat on pins and needles at times when reading this book. It talks about loving people where they are at. Not hiding from the truth, but facing truth even when we are so fearful. Anyone who has been sexually abused or even if a person hasn't, should read this book. People need to know that this happens and what the victims face or have faced. This book covers every issue that kids face, not just sexual abuse. I am the type of reader that the author has to have my attention pretty much at the beginning of the book and Beth Fehlbaum had mine from the beginning all the way to the end. I couldn't wait to finish it and find out what happened. Beth is a very talented writer! Thank you for writing this book!

Chapter One, Courage in Patience

(c) Beth Fehlbaum, 2008

CHAPTER ONE
We go on—because it is the hard thing to do.
And we owe ourselves the difficulty.
Nikki Giovanni

My name is Ashley Asher. That’s right, go ahead, and laugh. Apparently, my parents thought it would be “cute” to make my first and last names nearly identical. My family and friends call me Ash. My mother calls me by my first and middle names, Ashley Nicole. Her husband, Charlie, thought he was real clever and called me Ash-Hole.
I’m fifteen years old, and I live in Patience, Texas, an East Texas town of about 3,000 people. In my wildest dreams, I never thought I would end up going to a school where the unofficial year-round footwear is flip-flops, and people pronounce the word cold like this: code.
Sometimes I think I miss living in a place where there are things to do on Friday nights besides cruise the aisles of the Wal-Mart in Six Shooter City (yes, that's the name of a real place), or see one of the two movies showing in Cedar Points. There’s even less to do in Patience, although pasture parties, where a bunch of underage, redneck, high-school kids bring illegally obtained beer to somebody’s pasture and see how shit-faced and stupid they can get before they run out of beer, are a common occurrence.
If I’m going to be completely honest, though, I'd have to say that I've been alone for so much of my life, I wouldn't know what to do if I suddenly had a social life. I’m a quiet person who loves to read and write more than anything in the world. There’s just something special about falling into worlds created by other people. I spent a lot of time pretending that I was somewhere else when I was still living at home, I mean with my mom, and I think that helps me write stories, too.
My dad. Sounds so funny coming from my mouth, because I never knew him until last summer. He and my mom split up when I was three months old and, except for child support checks and sporadic birthday cards, I never heard from him.
The way my mom tells it, my dad was always a loser, which leads to a natural question: why would she sleep with him if she knew that? He was one year ahead of her in school, but they may as well have lived on different planets. She was a cheerleader, honor student, daughter of a doctor and accountant, and ran with the popular kids.
He didn’t know his bio father, but he had a succession of stepfathers through his life. My mother, the Queen of Bad Decisions, says my dad's mom had terrible taste in men. I guess she would know about such things.
Dad excelled in auto mechanics, computer science, getting wasted on weekends, and talking girls into doing his English homework. Mom used to tell me that he had this way of charming a girl to get what he wanted, whether it was an essay on A Tale of Two Cities or her panties ending up on the floor. Since my dad never knew his father, his older brother, Frank, was always more like a father to my dad than a brother. Frank is ten years older than Dad, but he seems a lot older than that.
There is only one picture of my father and mother together, and it is from his senior prom. He is tall, dark, and gangly in his navy tux. His dark brown hair is puffy, and he's wearing aviator-frame eyeglasses. Mom is over a foot shorter than Dad, although her highlighted, permed hair is a good eight inches high. Otherwise, standing next to him she is tiny. Even though the picture was taken from at least ten feet away, her eye shadow is a frosty silver that makes her green eyes gleam. Her face is rounder than it is now, and she looks like she has been laughing, smiling in a way that I never saw very often. As much as she hates my dad, she used to say that he could always make her laugh. Must be part of his charm.
Her dress is snow-white satin, off the shoulder, and she tells me she tanned for weeks so she would look really brown in contrast to the stark white of her gown. Looking like a bride must have done something to her judgment, because they treated prom night as if it was their honeymoon, and, surprise! I was conceived. Mom’s parents, Nanny and Papaw, were horrified—not only because she got knocked up, but at the type of guy who did the knocking up. My dad never has fit in with the country club set. Papaw, an OB-GYN, set up my mom with a friend of his to give her an abortion.
When Mom told Dad what Papaw had arranged, my dad hit the ceiling and said that nobody was gonna kill his kid. He talked my mom into running off with him, and a preacher married them in Patience, Texas, where Uncle Frank lived on land that has been in their family for generations. Sometimes I wonder if my mom wishes she had kept that appointment with Papaw’s friend.
They lived in a camping trailer behind Frank’s house while my mom attended her senior year at Patience High School, and my dad went to work as a mechanic in Frank’s shop. Mom says they fought all the time, because my dad had a terrible temper. He would fly into rages where he would only feel better after he had destroyed something, like when he threw their tiny black-and-white TV out the camper door into the mud then went after it with a sledgehammer. After he had his tantrum, he would go sit in the shop with
Frank and drink until he thought my mom was asleep.
I was born in January of my mom’s senior year. School was out for Spring Break when Mom packed me and all her stuff up in the car my dad gave her for Christmas—a dented up, brown four-door Datsun. We headed back west on Highway 175 to La Salle, Texas, back to the two-story red-brick house in a fancy part of town that Mom grew up in. Back to a bedroom that, unlike her bunk in the trailer, was lacking in field mice nesting in her shoes and the snake that shed its skin around her hot rollers. Nanny and Papaw welcomed back Mom with open arms, praised her for her return to sanity and civilization, and donated her old Datsun to Goodwill before she'd been home for twenty-four hours.
My dad never came after her, never questioned her leaving. Papaw’s golf buddy, a divorce attorney, took care of all the paperwork to annul the marriage, which means that legally the marriage never took place, so I don’t know what that makes me. They sent the papers to Dad, and he signed off on everything, including paying support to the child born to their non-existent marriage.
Mom finished her high school studies through a correspondence program and attended community college, earning her medical assistant certification. Then she went to work in Papaw’s office, and we did okay for ourselves. She even bought a small house in an old neighborhood in the center of La Salle, and my days there were carefree. When we got home in the afternoons, I’d go play outside, and my mom hired teenagers to watch me during the summer, so I had the Kool-Aid commercial-type summer, where kids play outside all day then come in at night when the streetlights come on.
My life changed forever on the night my mom met Charlie Baker. Nobody in Mom’s Third Thursday Bunco group thought he’d ever go for someone like her—no longer high school cute, a little overweight with a big caboose, and saddled with a kid. Mom’s friend Neshia was dating a guy who worked highway construction. His friend Charlie had just been transferred in from West Texas. Charlie was six feet tall, with a very short haircut and a shy, closed-mouth smile. He has six-pack abs in one of the pictures I have seen of him from that time. In it, he is wearing a red-and-white-striped Speedo, and he's posing like a model.
The guy in the peppermint stripes looked nothing like the Charlie I came to know: the pot-bellied alcoholic madman with wild auburn hair, almost clear gray eyes, and a shiny gold front tooth. Charlie’s appearance is off-putting to people who don’t know him. His long bushy hair seems to have a mind of its own, like Medusa’s hair of snakes. When Charlie is pissed, he radiates hatred, and it is scary. When Charlie chases you down with the intent to tackle you, it is downright terrifying.
The Bunco group held a singles night, and Charlie was there. I was there, too, playing waitress to the adults as they played the game and progressed from table to table. I was enjoying my job—I'd done it before—and I didn’t mind being the only child in attendance. Charlie paid a lot more attention to me than any of the other guests did, even my mom’s friends that I knew. I kept telling him that my name was Ashley, but he insisted on calling me “Kiddo.” It is a name I would come to hate.
The next night, Charlie took Mom and me to a carnival that was passing through town. I was riding the bumper cars, and when I got rammed from behind, I bit my tongue—hard. It stunned me, and I sat with my bloody tongue hanging out of my mouth, while other bumper cars zoomed around me. My mom called my name, but I could not focus enough to move. I was frozen. Out of the crowd, Charlie bounded across the floor, dodging bumper cars and looking for all he was worth like a super hero. He scooped me up out of the seat and dashed back to my mother with me.
“Gotta keep that tongue in your mouth when you drive bumper cars, Kiddo,” he said, winking, as he gently set me down. I felt like Lois Lane when Superman rescues her from being squished by a meteor. I'll bet there were actual stars in my eyes.
My mother and I were sold on him that night, but Charlie sealed the deal by bringing me toys and games every time he came over to our house. Four months later, in a ceremony held in Nanny and Papaw’s living room, my mother and Charlie were married. After years of being without a daddy, I finally had one.
Within a few months of the marriage, Charlie announced that he wanted to start his own construction business. He decided we needed to move to Baileyville, so he could land construction contracts easier than he was able to in LaSalle, which was overrun with the same sorts of start-up businesses. Nanny and Papaw were not happy about it, and neither was I. I loved my house, my neighborhood, and the only school I had ever known. I heard Nanny and Mom arguing about it on the phone, and Mom said, “Mother, I am married now, and my loyalty is to my husband. I am selling the house. We are moving, and that is final.”

GO TO http://courageinpatience.blogspot.com to read the remainder of this excerpt.

Booklist Review

Advanced Review – Uncorrected Proof
Issue: August 1, 2008
Courage in Patience.
Fehlbaum, Beth (Author)
Sep 2008. 352 p. Kunati, hardcover, $14.95. (9781601641564) .

Nine-year-old Ashley Asher was pleased when her mother started a relationship with Charlie Baker. Charlie, Ashley thought, would be the father she never had. She was 9 then; now 15, she recounts the story of how her dream life soon turned to nightmare, commencing with the first time Charlie touched her inappropriately. For years she tolerated it—not only the sexual abuse but also the emotional manipulation her stepfather inflicted on her—until one day she confronted both Charlie and her mother.
To Ashley’s horror, her mother sided with Charlie, leaving the teenager to find her own way, prompting her to reestablish a connection with her biological father. Though the subject matter is undeniably dark, Fehlbaum manages to keep the tone surprisingly light and hopeful. This hard-hitting but readable story about an infinitely troubling subject will resonate with all readers but especially with other survivors of abuse or with those who work with those survivors.
— Mary Frances Wilkens

Publisher's Weekly Review

Courage in Patience Beth Fehlbaum. Künati (IPG, dist.), $14.95 paper (352p) ISBN 978-1-60164-156-4

Fehlbaum's debut novel, set in a small Texas town, is overloaded with thorny issues and hindered by a “very special episode” tone, but features a genuine and empathetic lead. After enduring six years of sexual abuse from her step-father, 14-year-old Ashley Asher finally gathers the courage to confide in her mother; predictably, mom sides with step-dad. Soon, Ashley is sent to live with her estranged birth father, David, and his new wife and son. Though he's now a kind man who's put his life-long anger issues behind him, Ashley still struggles to trust her father. His wife, Bev, a high school English teacher, brings Ashley into her extended family of summer school students; a controversial reading assignment, Ironman by Chris Crutcher, provides the novel's other hot-button issues—racism, censorship, homophobia and religious extremism. An over-the-top scandal is followed by Bev's hokey, message-laden testimonial before the local school board. Throughout, Ashley's self-destructive tendencies, conflicted feelings and struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder read authentically; had Fehlbaum focused more on her recovery, rather than a raft of societal woes, this story would have been more powerful. (Sept.)

Terry Trueman, Printz-Honor-award-winning HarperTeen author, loved Courage in Patience

"I see some interesting (sucky word I know) parallels between the struggles of Ashley and Shawn-obviously their situations are different but that common denominator is the struggle of the human spirit to overcome what, for many people are experiences that they can never overcome, and of course the fact that both of us are writing from places of being deeply hurt and wounded by life, yet making those hurts and wounds into material that can make the world a bit better place. It's great to have company in such a struggle."

-- In reference to the similarities between Shawn, protagonist of Terry's Printz-award-winning novel, Stuck in Neutral, to Ashley, the protagonist of Courage in Patience.

"Courage in Patience is a gutsy, well-crafted story. The best literature, for me, always come from the pain we survive and grow from."

"Courage in Patience is a powerfully written and unforgettable story of survival and growth--the best of the human spirit."

"My admiration for Beth Fehlbaum is enormous--she has taken a painful chapter from her own life and turned it into a work of art that will help many people--congrats Beth!"

Visit Terry Trueman's website to learn more about this amazing author and see his looooong list of awards. http://www.terrytrueman.com

Reviews from Teen Readers
From Ashley Thompson, a teen reader with the site, Books Are My Love:
Friday, May 22, 2009
Courage in Patience

Title: Courage in Patience
Author: Beth Fehlbaum

Grade: A
Rating: R--- extreme sexual violence at parts. Lots of swearing

Summary: Ashley Asher’s life can easily be described in one saying, “Effed up”. Her step dad gets off on treating poor Ashley like a piece of meat. It takes things getting super bad for Ashley to realize she can't fight anymore, that she shouldn’t have to. She must discover who she really is and that not every man is out there to get her. This lesson can only be learned through the pure love of her true father.

My thoughts: This was honestly the best book I have read in forever. The story portrayed honest emotions that at times made me feel that I was reading a non-fiction story. The characters were all unique, everyone could find themselves somewhere within the story. Never before have I found a novel that addresses broken families, sexual abuse, and racism so clearly. Beth dear, you have officially passed Judy Blume on my best authors list. That’s saying a lot!

Recommendation: Before you decide to read this make sure you are emotionally ready. The abuse in this novel is shown very strongly. I would wait until you are at least 14.

Flamingnet Book Reviews, a site with book reviews by teens, awarded Courage in Patience a "Top Choice" Award. This is the review written by the 15 YO reviewer:

Whoosh. That's the sound that Ashley Asher hears when her stepfather sexually abuses her. As a fifteen-year old she is no longer a child, but she never was an ordinary child to begin with. She endures emotional and physical pain while living with her biological mother, who doesn't care for her at all, and her abusive stepfather. The only way to save herself is to confront her mother and reveal the years of abuse she has received from her stepfather. When Ashley finally has the courage to tell her mother of the painful details of her horrific childhood, her mother turns her back on Ashley and continues to believe that nothing is wrong. The only people that care and are concerned for her safety are Ashley's friends and her teacher. When her teacher contacts Ashley's father (who Ashley has never seen) her life is turned upside down. She leaves her selfish mother and abusive stepfather to live with her caring biological father and stepmother in Patience. She learns that there are people out there that care about her and would do anything to protect her. It is where Ashley finally understands the meaning of...love.
Courage in Patience was an emotional, heart-warming book that is unforgettable and hard to put down. I haven't read a book like this in a long time. It makes you realize that life comes in many forms and how it begins or ends all depends on you as a person. Even though I have never endured the pain that Ashley did, I could feel inside of me what she felt when her mother turned her back on Ashley and how her heart shattered into little pieces. It was just so detailed, it felt like my heart was shattering into little pieces as well. When she moves to live with her biological dad, it felt as though my heart was healing along with Ashley's. I think this book will really touch the hearts of every reader and give them the sense of let-down and then the sense of somebody pulling you back on your feet and giving you the chance to live a life of hope and courage. I would recommend this book to anyone who has a heart, which includes everyone.
Reviewer Age:15
Reviewer City, State and Country: Gearhart, Or U.S.A.

From Angels That Care, a site devoted to helping victims/survivors of sexual abuse:
Courage in Patience. Not wanting to think about sexual abuse -- let alone another child suffering through rape -- I stalled by focusing on the title. How clever it had been for the author to set most of the action in a town called Patience. At least read the rest of this summary, I thought. It quickly became clear that although the book is a novel, Beth Fehlbaum did not write it from the perspective of a person standing outside looking in. She, too, was sexually assaulted as a child. Not only has she faced what happened, she has worked through her pain so she can help others see that they are not alone. Instead of letting stress burn her up inside, she braved smoke and flames in order to throw open a window. That is her holding out a flag that says in large, bold letters, You are not a victim, you are you. No one is more valuable. Fear and anger must not be allowed to consume you. There is a rainbow at the end of the long, storm-prone road to recovery, and that road leads to a smoother one.
Knowing all this did not keep me from stalling again. Child abuse -- particularly sexual abuse -- is not academic to me. The very idea makes scars that time has not healed throb. I became a writer in the hope that shedding light will eventually dry the sludge poisoning my psyche enough that some will blow away. What doesn't can be channeled to some far-off sea, where it will immediately sink to the bottom, never to surface again. Pouring hurt onto paper has helped Ink fades, after all. You can burn paper if you have to. But no matter what you do, a certain amount of residue is going to cling. What you need to do is season it with love and understanding, then make a healing poultice of the mixture and spread it around. I am so glad I quite stalling. Because Courage in Patience does just that.
Beth Fehlbaum has written a story that I guarantee will stay with you. Her characters are fully developed, not Joan of Arcs and Darth Vaders. She was so smart not to make a goodie-goodie of the girl who is the target of the abuse. Not only do you empathize, you end up aching for her to find a way out of the dark! The man who abuses her acts despicably, but he is human. Only a stone would not hurt when reading about the rapes, but what stabbed me the deepest was the mother's betrayal. It brought memories to the surface that I do my best to keep in the graves I worked hard and long to dig and fill. The only time I unearth them is when I am writing. When I write about them, it is in the hope of killing them. (Know I can't, but it would be dishonest to pretend I don't try.) Like Beth Fehlbaum, I harbor the hope that my ordeal will ring enough bells to ease others' pain and and make at least a few abusers seek help.
One reservation that I had in the beginning was that the novel was really two, and should be split. I was wrong. The book is not "about sexual abuse." It is not "about racial discrimination." It is about accepting who we are. It is about accepting each other. It is about faith. It is about gut-level courage and dogged patience and the value -- no, the absolute necessity -- of a free, well-rounded, genuinely enlightened education. It is about the worst in us and the best in us. I love to read books that somehow manage to entertain while teaching important lessons. That teach without teaching down! Courage in Patience is all this and more. Were there medals for fortitude and compassion, she would surely qualify.
I am convinced that one of the mega-publishers will pick up the novel. I am hoping that the editions they print will be in standard, single-spaced format. Double-spacing makes the book look longer than it is. This is a very minor drawback. I only mention it because I would like to see Courage in Patience reach millions. If you haven't read it, you are missing out.

Author/Editor Phyllis Jean D. Green

From http://floretacui.blogspot.com/2009/02/courage-in-patience.html

There was something inside my mom, like there is, at this point anyway, in me, that says we don't deserve respect of our boundaries. Not that we have any in the first place. It's a sense of worthlessness and emptiness, like being a cup with a crack in it. No matter how many times the cup is filled, with, for example, the love that David and Bev show me, it leaks out, because I don't love myself yet. I'm not willing to fight for me, and it comes out in torrents of rage.
Courage in Patience - Beth Fehlbaum

I was drawn to this book like a moth to the flame. At the library, from a distance, I saw the front cover featured on the shelf directly in front of my line of vision. I walked towards it as if I had been searching for the book all along. I had never seen it before in my life but something about it attracted me. Maybe it was the bright contrasted complimentaries of red and green. Maybe it was the way the character's back is focused instead of her face. Whatever it was, I walked straight to it and picked it up to examine the back cover.

I have a process when picking up books, and yes, I do judge a book by its cover (as a graphic designer, how can I not?). I'll skim the back cover, and if my interest is still peaked, I'll open up the front pages and skim the table of contents, if applicable. Courage in Patience is about a teenager who has suffered from sexual abuse since the age of 8. At first, I thought it was a memoir, but when I delved into the first chapter, I realized it was a fiction geared towards young adults and classroom study. This book is amazing and the first chapter hooked me in. … Maybe I was meant to read this book. Maybe there was a reason it caught my eye and I was drawn to it so. Courage in Patience is a book about survival, and I am a survivor. I am not a quitter. I won't give up on myself. I refuse to. I may have my moments, but I will always pick myself up again. It is a book not just about abuse, but also tolerance to anyone who dares to be different, or to anyone who has no choice but be different; tackling racism, fundamentalism, abuse and other issues. It endeavors to resolve the tough subject of self-acceptance with hope. Something we can all resonate with.
Letters from Readers:

Thank you for writing the title: Courage in Patience. It is incredible. Really! My hat is way off to you for putting it together. It seems very realistic. Especially the descriptions of East Texas...LOL I grew up in a town called Whitehouse, Texas. We moved there when I was 12. Three thousand and not growing, Whitehouse was it's own little island behind the curtain of pine trees.

Recently a wise prayer-group leader in his eighties mentioned that four areas of emotion could be the roots of alot of emotional ills. Fear, guilt/shame, hate, low self-esteem....When I read your book I feel these (all four) and they bring tears and real sadness.
In sum, I just really appreciate the writing as I see the possibility of my own story one day emerging. I have been writing all year without a focus...so I have completed and published devotionals, newspaper and magazine articles, but nothing in fiction yet. That is my mountain. Still gaining, but your book touches me so deeply. And motivates me to move forward with my real goal: a fictional book containing the elements of my suffering in a bad marriage.
It is ten years later and we are all still healing. I was not abused sexually as a child, but lacked self-esteem and married a great looking, charming guy. Only he controlled my every move and attempted to control my thoughts. So mean; so cruel. We still have several court battles to go, as he does not commit to support his own two children. I left and this guy and it was the best decision of my life. My two children struggle to love their own father. They secretly just desire unconditional love....something that stirs so deeply in all of us. Your main character was so real and so clear to relate to...thank you. It really touched me.
Sincerely,
NAME WITHHELD
****
Beth,

Just a quick note to let you know that your book is fantastic! I'm confident you'll find a new home for your book soon. Gina has always spoken well of you, and I'm sure she'll work hard on your behalf.

Linda Matias
www.careerstrides.com

Author
- How to Say It Job Interviews
- 201 Knockout Answers to Tough Interview Questions
The Ultimate Guide to Handling the New Competency-Based Interview Style

*****
--- On Tue, 7/22/08, NAME WITHHELD> wrote:
From: NAME WITHHELD
Subject: about your book
To: beth@bethfeldman.com
Date: Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 12:55 PM
Your article was in the Monday morning Tyler paper here in Texas. I read it and reread it and then went online and read the first part and cried that you had to go through so much.
I am a woman from Ohio who moved here to Texas 10 yrs ago and I was raped and abused when I was 13 yrs old and I am now almost 62 and have held this all in all these years.
The only ones that knew were my grandmother who was taking care of me and unfortunatley I got pregnant and I gave the baby up for adoption since I couldnt raise a child at that age ..I knew ther were good people who could give my son a good home that I couldnt and love and everythng he would ever need and back then it was spoken of. Just told people I had a disease and had to stay home. I have never had counseling of any kind and until I moved here and became a CHristian and became married again and I became more involoved int he Lord and my minister's wife and I became such good friends and I knew then that the Lord brought her into my life so I could tell her. ALll these years I have kept this bottled up inside and that was the most terrible thing I could have done but I didnt know what to do then.
We never spoke of this at home whatsoever and I had a loving grandmother. I went on to have 2 more sons but this one son is on my mind every day of my life and I feel so guilty.
The reason I am emailing you is to thank you for coming out with yourbook and hoping to be able to buy it when it comes out on Sept first..A friend of mine who is also 13 here is Texas was just raped and beated severely last week and I want a book for her too. Because to this day I still feel its my fault and I want to help her.
Bless you and all you do..youhave no idea how many people you will help by writing this book and bringing it out in the open. Its awful keeping this inside as many years as I did..the most pain I have even felt.
Once again thank you so very much and May God Bless You
Sincerely
NAME WITHHELD

*****
Dear Beth,
Thank you for writing Courage in Patience. I read this book because I thought it might help a friend, but it helped me to understand some of my own behaviors. I have many signs of having suffered some sexual abuse, but I have no memories. From time to time I seem to zone out and act less assertive than anyone who knows me now expects. Reading about Ash's recovery and her talks with Bev helped me to understand what apparently happens to me. It is a huge relief, it helps me to forgive myself, it affirms my courage, and it gives me hope that I will continue to heal.
Sincerely,
NAME WITHHELD
*****
Hello Beth,

I have read your book, Courage in Patience, and I really enjoyed it. I do plan to post a review very soon on my personal book blog - Bobbi's Book Nook.

I have recommended your book to the Mercer County Public Library, but until they actually have a copy in the library, I can't do a review on their website - MCPLib.

I will send you an email with the link as soon as my review is posted. And thanks for visiting the Mercer Library's book review blog!

Sincerely,

Bobbi Rightmyer
*****
Beth,
I just started to write a snail-mail note to thank you for the book. Then I remembered 30 something's only use digital.
How wonderful of you to send me a copy of Courage in Patience. You can be proud of that work! It will be a lifeline for girls (and boys) experiencing that trauma. The writing hit so close to my own life. My heart was pounding as I read. Bless you and keep writing -please. So many have walked that path and have no voice to describe the pain -Ashley sure does.
I thank God for you and for your talent!
Dr. Mary Ann Manos
Assistant Superintendent
Eureka Schools - District 140
109 W Cruger Ave
Eureka, IL 61530
(309) 467-3737

*****
July 17, 2009

I finally finished the book. It was so good! Thank you for writing it. I was raped (If you call forcing a blow job on someone rape) as a teenager, but did face it and confronted the kid who did it to me. There are so many out there who do not do that or feel like they can't. When I realized, a few years later, that it wasn't my fault and what had happened to me, I got pissed and contacted the guy. He apologized to me and I ended up forgiving him, but had nothing to do with him after that.
It was freeing though to be able to tell him what he did to me and how it hurt me and affected my life for a few years after that. I will have to tell you in person someday. I would also really like to know your story.

I also loved how you put "truth" out there. I am a Christian, but do not want to be so close minded that I don't see people. That is one thing that I have always feared. Being a Christian means loving people where they are at and not looking down on anyone, but putting others above yourself. Anyway, it was really great to read it! I cried, laughed and was sitting on pins and needles as to what will happen next at certain points. I am looking forward to your next book.

-- H. R.
*****

Organizations that help promote Courage in Patience:

Survivors In Action, Inc.
4354 Town Center Blvd., Suite 114-143
El Dorado Hills, CA 95762
(916) 941-7292
(916) 941-7216 fax

July 8, 2009

RE: Review & Support for Courage In Patience

It is an honor for Survivors In Action, a national non-profit crime victims organization, to recommend Courage In Patience as one of the best all-time books regarding the subject of child abuse and overcoming victimization.

Author Beth Fehlbaum has an amazing ability to make her words come to life in a matter of seconds. Everyone who reads Courage is trapped within its pages until the story ends.

Courage in Patience is a timeless book for all ages. Survivors In Action is proud to be a part of promoting the book on our web sites, blogs, newsletters and other media formats, to help inspire everyone to learn as the protagonist, young Ashley, does, how to overcome adversity, while inspiring others to speak out about the topic of sexual abuse, which is often a difficult one to speak or write about.

Sincerely,

Alexis A. Moore, President
Survivors In Action
www.SurvivorsInAction.com
“No Victim Left Behind”

*****
Lavender Power (http://www.lavenderpower.org)- Courage in Patience was featured in its online zine, Lavender Magazine (http://www.freewebs.com/mypainfulsmiles/), and I'm in its Hall of Successors
Patti Rase Hopson, President
lavenderpower@hotmail.com
http://www.facebook.com/Lavenderpowercofounder

IT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE IT NOW, BUT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Ashley Nicole Asher's life changes forever on the night her mother, Cheryl, meets Charlie Baker.
Within a year of her mother's marriage to Charlie, typical nine-year-old Ashley's life becomes a nightmare of sexual abuse and emotional neglect. Bundling her body in blankets and sleeping in her closet to try to avoid Charlie's nighttime assaults, she is driven by rage at age 15 to to tell her mother, in spite of the threats Charlie has used to keep Ashley silent.
Believing that telling will make Charlie go away, instead it reveals to Ashley where she lies on her mother's list of priorities.
"We're just going to move on now," Cheryl tells Ashley. "Go to your room."
Ashley's psyche splinters into shards of glass, and she desperately tries to figure a way out, while at the same time battling numbness and an inability to remember what happened when she blacked out after Charlie tackled her.
She knew that when she awoke her clothes were disheveled and the lower-half of her body was covered in bright red blood-- but she has only a blank spot in the "video" of her memory.
When Ashley's friend, Lisa, sees a note from Cheryl telling Ashley that Charlie would never "do those things to her," and insisting that she apologize for accusing him of molesting her, Lisa forces dazed Ashley to make an outcry to her teacher, Mrs. Chapman.
By the end of the day, Ashley's father, David, who has not seen Ashley since she was three months old, is standing in the offices of Child and Family Services. He brings her home to the small East Texas town of Patience, where he lives with his wife, Beverly, their son, Ben, and works with his brother, Frank.

Through the summer school English class/ Quest for Truth taught by Beverly, an "outside-the-box" high school English teacher whose passion for teaching comes second only to her insistence upon authenticity, Ashley comes to know Roxanne Blake, a girl scarred outwardly by a horrific auto crash and inwardly by the belief that she is "Dr. Frankenstein's little experiment";
Wilbur "Dub" White, a fast-talking smart mouth whose stepfather is a white supremacist who nearly kills a man while Dub watches from the shadows, forcing Dub to realize that he cannot live with the person that he is, any longer;

Zaquoiah "Z.Z." Freeman, one of the few African-Americans in Patience, whose targeted-for-extinction family inherited the estate of one of Patience's founding families and has been given the charge to "turn this godforsaken town on its head";
Hector "Junior" Alvarez, a father at sixteen whose own father was killed in prison, who works two jobs and is fueled by the determination to "do it right" for his son, "3", and his girlfriend, Moreyma;
T.W. Griffin, whose football-coach father expects him to be Number One at everything, and whose mother naively believes that he is too young to think about sex; and

Kevin Cooper, a not-so-bright football player with a heart of gold, whose mother, Trini, a reporter for the local paper, is instrumental in exposing the ugliness that is censorship.
Every person in the class is confronted with a challenge that they must face head-on. The choices they make will not be easy—but they will be life-altering. With the exception of her mother and step-father, Ashley is surrounded by people who overcome their fear to embrace authenticity and truth-- the only way to freedom.
But will Ashley have the inner-fortitude to survive the journey to recovery and the effects of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Will Ashley find her voice, speak up for herself, and break the bondage of her abusive past?

Realizing "she's gonna need a lot more than we have," David and Bev enlist the help of Scott "Dr. Matt" Matthews, an experienced, slightly unconventional therapist who insists that Ashley can and must come out of hiding in the closet in her mind.
The Chris Crutcher novel, Ironman, is taught by Beverly Asher in the summer school class. When T.W.'s overbearing parents read the book, they decide that the book should be censored, and they involve the pastor of Patience's largest, most conservative church to lead the fight through the Purify Patience organization.
Its mission is to cleanse Patience of Profanity, Promiscuity, and Parent-Bashing Pedagogy—all complaints the group has about the novel, Ironman.
Its hidden agenda, however, is to return Patience to a time when "Patience was 100% white", "women knew their place","everyone had plenty of money", and "Christian values were taught in school."
The censoring, pseudo-Christian, white-supremacist, misogynist organization is exposed for what it is in a courageous move by one of its own (well..his mother threatens to twist his ear off if he doesn't speak up), isolating the pastor and causing most of his "flock" to deny they ever knew him.
National and world press attention shine speculation on the dirty little secrets hidden in Patience, and its inhabitants are forced to examine their own values and beliefs.
Alone in the dark, Ashley must face her worst fears in a pivotal scene between her, Charlie, and her mother. Will she find the strength to advocate for her own right to exist in a world that is free of fear and abuse? Can she, like her friends, find Courage in Patience?

Courage in Patience
Hope in Patience (Sequel to Courage, in progress and expected to be finished by 9/1/09)

Courage in Patience is officially "out of print", as my rights were reverted to me and my agent, Gina Panettieri, is shopping it to new publishers.. but there are still new/used copies on Amazon available, and it is in stock on Barnes & Noble's site, Amazon ca, and Amazon uk.

You may read Chapter 1 of Courage in Patience by visiting my site, http://courageinpatience.blogspot.com

M.Ed. Reading, B.A. English, Secondary Education
Who's Who Among American Teachers

Courage in Patience -- YA fiction/Fiction novel

Hope in Patience-- the sequel to Courage in Patience-- now available as well. To see a sneak preview of Hope in Patience (Chapter 1), go to http://courageinpatience.blogspot.com/2009/07/sneak-preview-of-hope-in-patience.html

HOPE IN PATIENCE Synopsis

Ashley Nicole Asher, 15, is a mess. She's starting a new school in the tiny East Texas town of Patience, Texas, but that's not her biggest problem. It's her mother, Cheryl, who can't see that the sexual abuse perpetrated on Ashley for six years wasn't Ashley's choice. A woman who, even after her husband, Charlie, breaks Ashley's arm in an attempt to take her back to their home in the suburbs of Dallas, still testifies on his behalf at his trial for injury to a child. Ashley's stuck in a cycle of self-injury and self-hatred as a result, and the people who love her are struggling to pull her out of it.
David, Ashley's long-absent father, hadn't seen his daughter since infancy, until he showed up in the offices of Child Protective Services to bring her back to his home in the woods of East Texas, and the life he's built with his wife of ten years, Beverly, and their son, Ben. No longer a heavy drinking rage-a-holic, he's sworn he'll spend the rest of his life making up lost time with Ashley, and hopefully earning her trust and love.
Beverly, a survivor of childhood sexual abuse who has walked the rocky road to recovery that Ashley is on, is balancing her life as stepmom to Ashley with her job as a high school English teacher, and her reputation in the community as a magnet for controversy.
Scott "Dr. Matt" Matthews, a slightly unconventional, drop-kick-the-teddy-bear and kick-the-desk therapist, is determined to pull Ashley out of the darkness she crawls into when her self-destructive tendencies overtake her better judgement, and the "squirrel on speed" that gets going in her mind is making laps and chugging Red Bull.

More than anything else, Ashley craves normalcy. She envies girls who can experience relationships with guys without fear of being touched, and she wishes that being a consistent back-of-the-pack finisher in cross-country was her biggest problem.
But.. do other people have it that easy?
Krystle "K.C." Williamson has an electric guitar named Kurt and a mother who believes that the best cure for K.C.'s homosexuality would be a trip to J.C. Penney's to pick up some cute skirts instead of the t-shirts and jeans that K.C. wears every day.
Pam Littlejohn is driven by jealousy and insecurity to push herself hard for a cross-country medal in State, and to spread the rumor that Ashley moved to Patience because she had an affair with her stepfather Charlie.
Marcus Merriweather is so afraid of not having all the answers, he hides behind THE Holy Bible (the only "version" that's right), and a stiflingly narrow world-view.
T.W. Griffin quit his position as running back for his father's Patience Panthers football team, and now his dad's hell-bent on making Bev Asher pay for taking his son from him.
Zaquoiah "Z.Z." Freeman, self-described as "bountiful, bodacious, and beautiful", is fighting the urge to knock Pam's smirk right off her face and beat Marcus to death with his holier-than-thou attitude. She's still reeling from her cousin, Jasper, being nearly beaten to death earlier in the year, and depends on dancing to help her deal with the fear that comes with being a racial minority in small Southern town.
When Ashley's stepfather, Charlie, kills himself in a drunk-driving accident, Ashley races to Cheryl's side, knowing how much Cheryl hates being alone. But Cheryl reveals pretty quickly that she still wants Ashley to live the life of lies that Cheryl is most at-home in. "Say it, Ashley. Say it. You know it's true. Say that Charlie was a good man."
Ashley cannot bring herself to utter the words, and Cheryl once again rejects her own child in favor of a lie.
Will her new family be enough to keep her from sliding back into suicidal fantasies and hiding in small dark spaces? Will she ever be able to accept Dr. Matt's view of Cheryl: "What a bitch", and choose to truly LIVE instead of LONG for a relationship that never was what Ashley had convinced herself it had to be?

Hope in Patience is the heavily-anticipated sequel to Courage in Patience, which started Ashley's journey to recovery from childhood sexual abuse. Courage in Patience was previously published, but all rights have been reverted to the author. It is currently on submission to several publishing houses. Hope in Patience is now available for consideration as well, and has been written in a way that it may be marketed as a sequel/companion to Courage in Patience, or as a stand-alone novel. The author anticipates one more installment in the series of novels.
Please contact the author, Beth Fehlbaum, beth@bethfehlbaum.com, or Gina Panettieri her agent, gpanettieri@talcottnotch.net, for more information.
For chapter previews of Courage in Patience and Hope in Patience, as well as marketing plans for both novels, reviews/blurbs/support on behalf of Courage in Patience, and further contact information for the author's agent, Gina Panettieri, please see the author's blog at http://courageinpatience.blogspot.com

MARKETING PLAN:

Ongoing Facebook Ads & Google AdWords Campaigns: Daily ads are running now to promote the sale of Courage in Patience to a publishing house, and when Courage in Patience sells, the ads will switch to promotion of its upcoming release. For the duration of Courage in Patience being in print with its new house, there will be ads running on Facebook, targeting the YA audience as well as survivors of abuse, book clubs, librarians, booksellers, book bloggers and reviewers, etc.

Partnering with a Survivors' Advocacy Group: I intend for a percentage of royalties from the sale of my books to benefit advocacy group(s) for survivors of sexual abuse and assault. I am on the Advisory Board of Survivors In Action, a rapidly growing advocacy group.

AuthorBuzz and Bookclubbing: Exposure to 370,000 plus readers, 12,000 librarians, 3,000 booksellers and readers and leaders of more than 15,984 bookclubs. In addition, I continue to cultivate relationships with bookclubs in the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex and the Tyler-Longview (Texas) region, as well with booksellers in Oklahoma, New Mexico, Louisiana, and Arkansas. Courage in Patience is already the choice of a book club in Dallas for November, 2009, and I anticipate that the Bookclubbing feature through AuthorBuzz will lead to other contacts. M.J. Rose, the owner of AuthorBuzz, is on standby. She and I have already been conferring on marketing plans. I would like to see Book Club discussion questions in the new edition of Courage in Patience. I have already written questions.

HARO: I will be sponsoring one of Peter Shankman's HARO (Help a Reporter Out) messages. HARO has over 100,000 subscribers, with a 96% "open" rate of the thrice-daily e-mails that he sends out. Additional sponsorships will be purchased to run to announce the launch of the book, as well as to announce significant events along the way, i.e. event tie-ins with advocacy groups, etc.

The current ad, scheduled for August 12, 2009, should read something like this (I anticipate that Peter will shorten it somewhat):

If there was a poster child for resilience and perseverance, Beth Fehlbaum would be IT. A survivor of childhood sexual abuse, she drew on that experience as well as her experience as an English teacher to craft the fictional story of fifteen-year-old Ashley, who is taking her first steps into recovery from sexual abuse after being brutalized by her stepfather for six years. Courage in Patience is a story of love, resilience, and HOPE.

It first released in September 2008 to such reviews as "will resonate with all readers" [Booklist] and "reads authentically" [Publisher's Weekly]. Readers all over the world have written to Beth and thanked her for her story, and Survivors in Action, an advocacy group for victims of domestic violence, added Beth to its Advisory Board.

Now, Beth has had the publishing rights to Courage in Patience reverted back from her first publisher, and her agent, Gina Panettieri, is actively seeking a new publishing house!

Visit Beth's blog, http://courageinpatience.blogspot.com , to read Chapter 1 of Courage in Patience; letters from readers, blurbs, and reviews; agent contact info, and the marketing plan (including HARO!). Check it out! This is an important story sorely needed by millions of people.

Charitable Event Donations: I regularly respond to worthy organizations that request donations for their events through the HARO "Gift Bag Query" feature. I donate on average 2 signed books to each event, along with promotional materials, for events all over the United States.

Book Tour: I have already established a relationship with bookstores throughout the state of Texas. I had a successful book tour through the Fall of 2008, and I am welcome to return to the stores. I appeared at numerous Barnes and Noble, Hastings, and Borders stores in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, as well as in South and East Texas. I will happily carry out a book tour as well as arrange for promotion of my appearances through local media and press releases, including notifying local schools and libraries that I am coming their way.

Blog Tour: I have networked with book bloggers who are supportive of Courage in Patience, as well as Survivors' groups. I will carry out a month-long blog tour, one "stop" per day, for the first month of Courage in Patience's release. This will be a combination of interviews and reviews of Courage in Patience, as well as guest columns. This is of course in addition to continuing my regular presence on my blog, GoodReads (3000 + 'friends'), Library Thing, Facebook (1200 'friends'), and MySpace (950 + 'friends). These plans are independent of what the publishing house will be doing.

Author Visits to high schools, libraries, and book festivals: I will be cultivating relationships with Texas high schools, scheduling Author Visits, 1-2 per month during the school year, and as many visits as possible to libraries during the summer months. I will also be available to visit via phone, online chats, and webcam.

Sequel to Courage in Patience, Hope in Patience, will share the same marketing plan.