|
A Year of Doubt...a story of Faith...
A little over a year ago I was sitting at my computer (as usual) working on what, I don't remember - when - I was suddenly stricken with a weird, pain on the left side of my head. I went to lay down and when I got up again I was completely off kilter. I would come to learn that I had vertigo.
Have you had it? I would not wish it on my worse enemy. Okay...maybe I would.
What followed the vertigo was the publishers decision not to renew my Geneva Holliday contract and the fact that my manuscript (Glorious) had been submitted to the who's who of editors and none were biting. Each rejection letter chipped a little bit of me away.
Okay.
That was all back in July. By September I was spinning in one spot, putting together proposals for shit I didn't even want to write. All of this as I shook my fist at the heavens and damned my guides for bringing me a story that know one seemed to want to ...buy.
I went to Jamaica and had a come to Jesus session. I stood at the waters edge and apologized to the universe and my guides. I had behaved shamefully. Like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum. I returned home and sat down to work on another draft of Glorious.
By November i was done and apparently so was the the list of editors my agent thought was best suited for the book. My doubt returned because the feedback seemed to suggest a general consensus where my career was concerned: My career needed to be resurrected (Resurrected!) and Glorious wasn't the book that would do that.
Imagine my surprise...I didn't even know my career had died. Did someone bury it and not invite me to the funeral?
(smile)
Moving forward -
The winter was suddenly upon me and with it came the short, dreary, cold days that are so typical of the season. I escaped again, this time to Barbados.
Ten days in the sun and surf can do wonders! I was reinvigorated and back at home I started on another book. While writing it I was hit with what seemed to be a avalanche of bad luck - this combined with the Vertigo and the havoc the market was wreaking on my portfolio - was not a great mix - nevertheless, I marched forward.
By May I'd completed the sixth and final draft of the new manuscript and it was ready to be shopped. I sent out twenty query letters and within a few days I'd received five "please send the entire ms" from agents. A good sign -- which meant I had basically nailed the query letter.
Since then two agents have come back to say that the book was not for them.
Why?
One said: The story is great, the writing solid -- but the AA literary reader market would not support the story.
Why it got to be supported by the AA literary reader market? It's not even AA literary story - It's an African story for chrissakes...
Someone else said the story moves too slow at the beginning. So? Did you read Life of Pi...that was fifty pages of *yawn* -- but then it exploded!
This business is soooooo subjective!
Anyway, it's still with three agents who have yet to come to a decision..
*No news is good news.*
Anyway - I still continued to look for a home for Glorious and in the midst of doing this - that and everything else - I had a dream about Zora Neale Hurston, which I took as an omen. Why wouldn't I when she was one of the "guides" who brought me GLORIOUS in the first place?
The dream encouraged me to remain committed to the book and I did...and I still do -but there are those days...you know the ones when you walk around with a stupid smile on your face even though you're screaming like a lunatic on the inside and the feeling of abandonment is like teh weight of a gorilla riding your back?
By the end of May I was mentally and emotionally exhausted and so the twenty-one days of rain that drenched most of June - was quite okay with me - I could use the less than optimal weather to
throw myself into the YA novel I had started late last year.
SIDEBAR: I ALWAYS TAKE A VACATION BETWEEN PROJECTS - BUT IT JUST WASN'T POSSIBLE THIS GO AROUND
And so I soon found out that I did not have the emotional or creative capabilities to write anything other than a post for this blog. I was crushed and the more upset I became the worse the vertigo got.
A small voice in my mind said: "It's okay - all will be well."
But I ignored it.
On June 26th - nearly a year to the day when my life turned topsy-turvey - I boarded a flight to Memphis (Murphy's Law Saga).
What happened in those 12 hours was a culmination of a year of what may have seemed like one pitfall after the other, but I now realize was just growing pains. Change is always good - but sometimes it smarts - *ouch!*
When I woke up on June 27th - my vertigo was gone. Poof - like magic! And what followed over the next few weeks was a rush of ideas that left me scratching my head and asking: Why in the world hadn't I thought of that before?
It was like a veil had been lifted and a door opened. The worry that kept me up at night was gone and now I slept well pass sun up. My anxiety had been replaced with a feeling of calm that was almost...scary.
Last week I spent some time in Sag Harbor. A change of scenery can alter your perspective on things. Who knew a pool full of chlorine water could offer up an idea, just as exciting and well rounded as what I usually received from sea water? Well it did! And I think ya'll are going to love it!
Now mind you, my situation (on paper) still hasn't changed - but I know that it's about to 'cause the universe didn't bring me this far to drop me.
This past weekend a book club member hugged me and as she did she asked God to continue to bless me -
And I have no doubt that he will.
Send author a comment on this post
|